Tuesday, December 12, 2006


This man needs to sell more records.
The Book of Laughter and Forgetting by Milan Kundera **
Not very funny and totally forgettable.

Patang, Phuket Island.

A fun place for all the family. Let me out of here. I'm off to the Similan Islands for a dive or ten...

Monday, December 11, 2006

Ao Nang Tower is a multi-pitch route I wanted to climb today, but arrived too late last night to fix up a partner in Tonsai. As we sliced past it on the longtail boat this morning, a team were in situ on the first pitch; looked awesome.

Tonsai village was visibly enlarged compared with last year, and rumour has it that an access road and a big resort development are on the cards next year. This will ruin it, which is a shame as it's one of only a handful of places in the world where you can just show up, stay around for any amount of time from days to months on a low budget, and find people to climb with on hundreds of routes that are all within walking distance.

Still good coffee at Wee's though ('Welcome, welcome, don't be shy, wake up wake up, coffee coffee, museli breakfast, guete Morgen'). Bumped into an old acquaintance from Leeds who I climbed on Dow Crag with in about 1993, and some of last year's familiar faces at Dum's Kitchen (which is in fact a crag, not food preparation area), and bouldered on it with some hardcore dude and ripped my fingers to shreds in about 30 minutes. One weird thing about limestone sea cliffs is that the sharpest rock is always in the tidal zone, where you'd expect it to be washed smooth. A result of this manifest paradox was that I soon pressed on to Railay, arriving in time to jump on the 2.00 pm snorkelling trip out to the islands.

It was a stormy afternoon and the rain fell in strange analogies (stair rods, cats and dogs, wellingtons), but the visibility was OK and I found a big chest of gold doubloons, wrestled for my life with a giant squid, and hitched a ride on the tail fin of a blue whale.

OK, I lied. But I did see a black tip reef shark, and it was massive. Honest.

Sunday, December 10, 2006

I guess it's fair enough when you pay about 15 quid for a flight that it will be delayed, but Air Asia eventually got me to Krabi today, 2 hours late, following the Lao Airlines flight that got me from Vientiane to Bangkok. Incidentally, I can report that if I'm similarly late flying from Phuket to Bangkok on Saturday, I might be late for work next week. I can also report that Lao Airlines seem to be a thoroughly competent outfit despite rumours about their safety record...or rather, their reluctance to publish their safety record, even since ditching their black-spot 'Laos Aviation' moniker.

It's good to be back in Thailand, which is a veritable land of plenty compared with Laos. One major drag in Laos is carrying around vast wads of hyperinflated currency...there are no coins, and the biggest note is 2000 kip which equates to about a quid. My wallet burst at the seams within seconds of drawing cash out of the first Lao bank.

Having said that, Laos should be contextualised as being a poor country only in the setting of SE Asia. If you beamed out of anywhere in, say, sub-Saharan Africa and found yourself in Laos, you'd be a happy eater.

Saturday, December 09, 2006


Pha That Liang!

...is not a command. It's a stupa. The most impo monument in Laos is a curvilinear spire, representing a submerged germinating orchid whose growth to the light symbolises the striving for, and achievement of, Buddhist enlightenment.
Moreover, it's surrounded by an architectural depiction of the Buddhist universe, symbolised by 30 more modest spires, several hundred lotus leaves, and other stuff that means something or other. I'm a bit sketchy on the detail.

We drove today through ever more densely populated areas as we approached Vientiane, the Lao capital. There were a few active rice paddies with carpets of six-inch long shoots poking up, but being the dry season, most of the fields were being burned and overlaid with plant material ready for next year.
Another dry-season ritual is more baffling. After the rains, there is a frantic erection of bamboo bridges that join up all sorts of bits of countryside normally cut off from each other during the rainy season. The bridge builders charge a toll because of the huge effort involved in construction, and make lots of money as people visit and trade with their neighbours, in the larger market towns. When the rains come again, the bridges simply get washed away til next year.

Here in Vientiane the civic atmosphere is pretty scruffy, and there are plenty of holes in the pavement above the sewers that are big enough for you to fall into, should you happen to be staggering home after dark. A game I'm looking forward to playing later.
Speaking of infrastructure, the Mekong, which I expected to look quite impressive, is a mostly dry river bed about half-a-mile wide. Maybe its more of a sight when the rains are on.
Yet the city has some good points, a major one being that it isn't Veng Viang. Another is the presence of Pha That Liang, and a third is that lots of proper local stuff is happening like markets and bustle and that.

Friday, December 08, 2006

Pedalled out to see a few caves around Tham Phu Kham today, in incredible heat. There are limestone towers all the way out there, mostly covered in jungle (imagine the Dolomites covered in green snow). The first cave featured a huge cavern just inside the rock, with some good formations and an inevitable bronze reclining Buddha. Impressive bright green moss was growing on the stalactites that stood in a blazing ray of direct sunlight coming through a high entrance. Nevertheless, it deepened my conviction that if you've seen one cave you've seen them all, especially if that cave is Carlsbad Cavern, New Mexico.

I'm using the Lonely Planet guide in Laos, and the Rough Guide in Thailand. One thing you notice is that the LP guide is desperate to have an opinion, and often makes sweeping generalisations and judgemental statements that turn out to be wrong. One example is that all the restaurants in Vang Vieng have the same menu which has been photocopied from an original, and just the header changed. However, I've never seen the same menu twice and there are two fantastic Indian restaurants (read wooden shacks that do good food) that have menus similar to their English counterparts but the food is incredibly good and costs next to nothing. Plus, among the generic fare offered by the mainstream eateries (which are legion) there are bakeries with fresh baguettes, pain au chocolate, and addictive banana yoghurt shakes. Another is that the town has lost its soul due to the influx of travellers, but the truth is that we stay in a southern suburb on Highway 13 that caters only for itinerants, while the local businesses, market, wats and pulse of the town remain untouched 2km up the road. The Rough Guide is cautious in its proclamations, and benefits by comparison.

One of the Indian restaurants' menus mis-spells the word gravy so it becomes an useful adjective, viz: 'comes in a spicy gravey sauce'.

You can get the BBC World News on the TV in my room, but the rest of the available fare comprises endless sport and Thai soaps. Therefore, have been reading. Hence the reappearance of that long-absent straightjacket of verbal discipline, the two-line review...

Empire of the Sun by JG Ballard ****
As to war as Paddy Clarke Ha Ha Ha is to Ireland, this is really a novel about recollections of growing up; in this case the backdrop is Shanghai during the Japanese invasion of WWII. Our hero Jim is increasingly subsumed and feralised by his survival instincts following separation from his parents - instincts that sustain him through years of internment in a brutal Japanese prison camp where people either looked out for themselves or died.

The Farenheight 9/11 Reader by Michael Moore ****
Lest we forget, the American administration let dozens of Osama bin Laden's rich, Saudi relatives fly out of the USA in the first few days after 9/11 when all other flights in the country were grounded, rather than detaining them for questioning like they would in any routine case and as they did with dozens of Arabs who had no connection with the bin Ladens. Lest we also forget, George W Bush lied to Congress about WMDs, has friends making huge amounts of money from the war, and was filmed teaching primary school kids to read a book about goats for a whole seven minutes after an aide came into the classroom and told him that the north tower of the World Trade Centre had been hit, looking like a complete moron - if you haven't seen the film, this bit is essential viewing that wasn't screened by the puppet American TV news channels despite being widely available on the Internet. This is a third sentence, but hey, this book has the whole screenplay of the documentary film, and it's assembled with the passion of true art.

Thursday, December 07, 2006

Fear and Loathing in Vang Vieng

There comes an occasional time when the people you are meeting are less interesting than the book you happen to be reading. At times like this, whether you're in one of civilisation's last outposts or in the bath at home, it's essential to one's sanity to plug into the lyrical driven-beat vision of the Mighty Fall, who's music and lyrics steamroll over all things false, insubstantial or inconsequential...



Glam Racket

Stop eating all that chocolate

Eat salad instead

In fact, you're a half-wit from somewhere or other

Why don't you bog off back to Xanadu in Ireland or wherever it is

Glam Rick

You cut my income by one third

You are working on a video project

You hog the bathroom

And never put your hand in your pocket

Glam Rick

You're Glam Rick

You hang around with camera crews in shell-suits

You lecture on sweets

You read Viz comic

Glam Rick

You're paging Malaga in Spain

But can't read between the lines

Your price, cut down is amazing

You're one of the best songs I've ever heard by Stephen King

Your Clearasil produces Richthofen rashes

Sideboard-like on mountains

You post out sixty-page computer printouts

On the end of the world's forests

All the above will come back to you

And confirm you as a damn pest

Glam Rick
You're Glam Rick


Vang Vieng is a Glam Rick convention. The less interesting their utterances, the louder their voices. I can't stand to have another conversation about how long I'm travelling for and where I've been with someone who won't remember it, or me, tomorrow.
I'm going to get a badge instead: Deaf mute. Manchester. Three weeks.

The music they tolerate or even like, such as the pumping Bee Gees and techno at the riverside bars, is unlistenable most of the time. Yesterday at the bar near the crag the drunken tubers were wiggling to horrible beats for hours, apparently enjoying themselves. Just like drunken Brits in Benidorm. This has always been a mystery to me.

Mind you, last night I bumped into the two refreshingly quiet and intelligent Swedish girls who were on the kayaking trip a couple of days ago. Hours of decent conversation! They don't seem very interested in most other people here either, and have a neat trick of pretending not to understand anybody they don't like. I think I'll pretend to be Swedish from now on.

Meanwhile, news from Fall-land: new album out in February, which Glam Ricks everywhere will fail to understand and find unlistenable. But that will come back to them, and confirm them as damn pests!


Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Had a really excellent afternoon at the local crag, Sleeping Wall a couple of Km uptown, with the locals and international locals, one of whom gave me a lift up there on the back of his scooter.

Vang Vieng is only slightly less scooterised than Chiang Mai, and I theorise that the agency that has most contributed to Laos' and Thailand's development is Honda.

Plenty of banter at the crag: a group of three girls learning with a guide, and a couple of strong yoofs from Aus and Germany who are teaching English in the area. And Adam of

http://laosrockclimbing.com/

where he says: Climbing is a lot more than just physical strength. Technique and your mental problem-solving ability are just as important. So anyone can do…
COME CLIMB IT

He's a thoroughly nice chap and a really good partner for the day. If you need a partner or want to take a course around here, seek out Adam!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006



The World's wiggliest road was traversed by bus today, on a journey of 230 km that should have taken 5 hours but actually took 8. The road was not too bad (Highway 13, reputedly the fastest road link between Bangkok and China and metalled all the way) but the bus kept losing power and stopping on the uphill stretches. Someone would jump out, fiddle with the engine until it fired up again and off we went. This happened about 30 times.

It was a VIP bus, the most expensive option ($13), with aircon and terrible Thai pop videos that were mercifully switched off for most of the journey (the sort where the band look like they want to be in The Clash but are playing wimpy teen-pop karaoke that's about as rebellious as vanilla ice cream). Although several of the cheaper buses were due to set off soon after us, we were never overtaken so I can only assume they took even longer.

The scenery was spectacular, similar to the foothills of the Himalaya in Nepal but much less densely inhabited and no terraces on the hillsides. Some of the poorest people I've seen in Asia, or indeed anywhere, were living in bamboo huts by the side of the road. They looked healthy enough, and certainly aren't bothered by heavy traffic problems. As we neared Veng Viang, dozens of pointy limestone peaks came into view. This is the karst landscape full of caves for which the town is slightly famous - looks a bit like the pics I've seen of Yangshuo in China.

Veng Viang is backpacker central, more so than Luang Prabang because it doesn't have an airport (except the disused Lima 29 that the CIA built) or the same type of sightseer-tourist draws. But not a chainstore, chain-restaurant or high-rise building in sight, and the cheapest place I've ever been. But we won't go into that - it's the most boring topic under the sun. The most successful backpacker is the one having the most fun, not the one saving the most money.

Monday, December 04, 2006

More thoughts on Laos....

As I write this, there are several young monks with orange robes and shaved heads playing about on the computers around me.

I haven't seen any monks in the town (or its wats) over the age of about 20. Maybe the older ones are busy chanting, or maybe they've given up and gone home...

The spectacular failure of history to bear out Kennedy's Domino Theory of Communism, with which he is said to have sold the Vietnam war to the post-McCarthy voters of the US, seems to have been forgotten since he was assassinated. Yet history has been kind to Kennedy. One can only assume it's because he was shot before having the chance to become a hopeless failure, like every US president since.

Freedom for all? Tell that to the poor Lao who were bombed with the collusion of their own corrupt Royal leaders. Laos is a communist state now because of a backlash against the post-colonial, aid-hungry, US-friendly administration of old.

How communist is Laos exactly? There are no newspapers on sale in Luang Prabang as far as I can see, but they are available in the capital Vientiane, or so I'm told by a tour-guide from the city. And they are allowed journalistic free-speech on Page 2, apparently, which I'm told gets the men talking in the pub. Apart from the lack of newspapers, which may be down to demand rather than supply, the signs are that the free market is in ascendancy.

But, calling this place The Peoples' Democracy of Laos? Give us all a break...

OK, rant over, I'm back on my hols til tomorrow...

Sunday, December 03, 2006

A plan seems to be emerging (with dates and everything)...

This morning: mould the ever-changing plan into recognisable shape thus

This afternoon: minivan to Lao's biggest waterfall and some local villages

Tomorrow: bus to Vien Viang for climbing, kayaking and tubing

Dec 9: bus to Vientiane; do Vientiane

Dec 10: fly to Krabi, bus and boat to Railay/Tonsai; go climbing

Dec12: bus to Khao Lak; go scuba diving at the Similan Islands, end up in Phuket

Dec 15/16: fly home
Kayaked to a fantastic waterfall today (check this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=IY4s44PIeaE&search=waterfall%20laos%20luang%20prabang )
that looked like it had been artificially terraced out of the hillside and had special clear water imported from the coast flown in to complete the idyll. There was, therefore, a good bit of noisy splashing about and swimming before lunch.

The kayaking continued for a further 12 km or so, mostly down slow-going river but with some easy rapids thrown in. Very relaxing. There was plenty of local activity on the river, from collecting weeds to kids playing, and the banks were dotted with smallholdings amid the jungle, growing cucumbers, lettuce, peanuts and other crops. High karst mountain ridges formed the backdrop, all covered in dense jungle.


Saturday, December 02, 2006



A young monk similar to one I chatted to today. He spending 2 years in a single monastary, getting up at 4 am to chant, then meditate, then free time, then more of the same in the evening. 'No freedom', he said, 'same every day.' When I asked him why he'd signed up for so long he said something about family expectations.

The oldest and most important wat in Luang Prabang pictured (more pics swiped from t'internet until I get around to posting my own) is rather splendid, and has several satellite buildings one of which is a kind of garage for the last king's hearse, which is itself also rather impressive. Overall the style is architecturally similar to the wats in Chiang Mai, but details such as the layered roofs and roof-corner ornamentation differ. Also, the sculpted depiction of the Buddha differs in some respects, and has an emphasis on the standing 'praying for rain' posture.

The Luang Prabang museum is housed in the old king's palace, which was built by the French. In it there are wonderfully airy chambers sparsely furnished with, among other things, very old lockers for leaf-paper inscriptions. Among the gifts on display the most incongruous is a model of the lunar module of Apollo 11 and a piece of moon rock (actually missing) which was sent with a personal message from Richard Nixon in the early 70s, stating that the Lao flag was on board when the module landed. I don't know if every world leader received such a gift, but I found out today that Laos is the most-bombed nation per capita in the history of warfare. Even more incongruous to find, then, that the country was neutral throughout the Vietnam war, and that the CIA illegally (against the Geneva convention) operated bombing raids from Laos using agents and pilots ostensibly positioned as aid and development workers. The bombs were dropped by American pilots returning from raids, in order to comply with orders to come back with bomb bays empty. Operations from Laos were carried out in secret, and unlike Nam, no media correspondents were allowed in the area. The American public never even knew. So much for democracy.

As for the Communist North Vietnamese, they also occupied parts of Laos illegally, stationing huge numbers of troops in the north east of the country.

The years after the end of American withdrawal and the fall of South Vietnam were turbulent for the Lao. The King and his family, imprisoned in a cave by the Communists who wrested long-term power after a series of coups and counter-coups in 1975, died of neglect, starvation and disease within a few years.

Now it seems the ruling Party, despite the presence of an old-guard educated in hard-line Vietnam, are gradually modernising and liberalising in the face of a sceptical peasant power-base who would rather get on with life in the manner that the Thais, their closest historical and cultural allies, have done all along.

Anyway, Laos today seems to be thriving. I had an excellent day pedalling between the wats, around the markets, and out to the local countryside, and watching the sun set over the might Mekong was really rather special. Tomorrow I'm going kayaking with a mixed bunch of tourists and travellers, so back to the Lonely Planet talk...

The view from the hilltop wat in Luang Prabang

Friday, December 01, 2006

Well, here I am in Laos, a country I don't think I'd ever heard of until I came to Thailand last year, but one that is bigger than the UK.

Population: not many; religion 60% Buddhist; governmental system: communist.

The Laos Airlines flight to Luang Prabang took an hour, over green-ridged hills and cultivated valleys. The airport is tiny, and had one other plane on the tarmac. I arrived without either Kip or $US, and bought a visa for 1500 Thai Baht and a taxi ride into town for 300 Baht to a place called the Heritage Guest House, where a decent room with aircon and private shower costs $11. It's in the part of town lying on the peninsula formed by the meeting of the mighty Mekong river and a tributary coming in from the east, and is right next to a Buddhist temple where I went and sat with some young monks who were chanting with much gusto as the sun went down at about 6 pm.

The main drag just around the corner is full of travellers restaurants and eco-tourism offices, a seemingly thriving hive of free-enterprise, and I've rented a mountain bike for $5 for the whole day tomorrow, when I'm planning to check out the city itself and some of the surrounding countryside. I've been forced to get money from a travel agency on my credit card, where I got a useless exchange rate plus a 6% commission charge, but it serves me right I suppose, as I didn't read the Lonely Planet guide's simple sentence 'There are no ATMs in Laos at the time of writing' until it was too late. Anyway, it's so cheap here that it's not worth worrying about.

There are about 50 temples in the city, which is small (population 26,000) and historic. It is supposedly the best-preserved city in South East Asia due to the facts that its typical layout of small village units linked by roads is uniquely preserved, and that many of its original religious and civic buildings still stand. It was also a French colonial centre, as plenty of grand houses testify, and it was not seriously damaged by American bombing in the 60's and 70's, unlike much of the country to the east where the Ho Chi Minh Trail (or Trails, more accurately) sustained the supply routes supporting the guerrilas in South Vietnam.

The whole city became a UNESCO world heritage site in 1995.