Val di Mello

Shoulder rotator cuff injury? Pah!


Linda on the via ferrata at St Julien, Buis-les-Baronnies, Provence

Synchronicity, or Crazy Coincidence Number 5 Million and Twenty Seven...

So, I'm trying to get to sleep in a tent in Italy, listening to some instrumental music on my i-pod, eventually dozing off to Miles Davis's Bitches Brew, an album I've never really y'know, got before.  Next morning I listen again, curious about this music. 

• Only afterwards do I wonder whether there's an apostrophe missing from the album's title, and conclude that Jazz musicians don't worry too much about that sort of thing, or that perhaps the brew is actually made of bitches rather than owned by them.

Anyway, a couple of weeks later I'm reading the August edition of Uncut.  The issue features a reappraisal of the Bitches Brew album 40 years later, or something. Every issue of Uncut features several reappraisals of groundbreaking music from 30, 35 or 40 years ago, because that's the period in music when the most ground got broken. This issue also features an article on the ever-interesting Lennon, in his ever-interesting primal scream period, so naturally I buy a copy so I can remind myself to go and listen to John Lennon / Plastic Ono Band one more time (always a pleasure) while finding a bit more about Bitches Brew.

• Only afterwards do I realise that the 'missing' apostrophe is not mentioned, which isn't surprising as this is a magazine written by and for Music Obsessives rather than Copy Editors

So, anyway, several days later I read the the Miles piece, which is very good, well researched and informative. Mentioned in it there's an unexpected reference to Philip Larkin who was, it seems, jazz columnist for the Daily Telegraph at the time of the album's release (news to me, but it makes sense when you think about it). For Larkin, the album's 'Muzak-like chicka-chicka-boom-boom quickly palls'.  I can't agree, I think it's a great record.

Anyway, later the same day, I'm in the newsagent's. Bear with me.

It's Saturday when I usually buy the Guardian, or maybe the Independent if I want everything in one section to avoid strewing the lounge with massed piles of debris. But, the Telegraph has a special offer - a voucher for eye tests, only a fiver from Boots!  Like I said, I'm 50 now so this sort of thing can sway you if you're off your guard, and also you start listening to jazz if you're not careful. Additionally, the pile of Guardians has a big  sign on top scrawled 'No Magazine!'. So I buy the Telegraph. I'll try and get my £5 eye test soon.

So,...and this is the coincidence... I clearly see in The Telegraph a two-page article on, wait for it...Philip Larkin's jazz writings! Larkin wrote jazz reviews for the paper when he wasn't too busy stamping books in Hull University Library, and was a lifelong jazz enthusiast.

Drawing together all the Anyways and Sos this is Some Coincidence, huh? Amazing.

Anyway, I conclude that however the stars may decide to align, I don't mind Philip Larkin's poetry, but I don't rate his appraisal of jazz. Or the paper he wrote for. Then again, Bitches Brew is not really jazz so who can blame him. Anyway right, I'm not really into jazz, and prefer John Lennon  / Plastic Ono Band, which is really about being 30 not 50.

Good album though, I think. Or maybe back in the tent in Italy I was listening to Miles MacInnes and I badly need glasses. Now, where did I put that voucher?

New Routes alert!

Carreg Mianog, on the Carneddau side of Ogwen valley. From the aqueduct, go under the main crag and head up and right. Nice rock, if a little too compact for much protection away from the obvious cracks. 

The E1 was well scary, the gear in the top groove (massively foreshortened in the pic - honest) is rubbish.  

The central groove line will go - send a cheque for more information.

Save yourself the trouble of going to California to climb The Nose on El Capitan, this 1/100-scale replica awaits!

100 routes in a day

well you have to, really

Some gritstone, yesterday.
Birchen Edge.
That's the crag at the top....
Small potatoes, but potatoes nevertheless. 

When you turn 50 nothing much earth-shattering happens, but you do start to look at a few things in a different light.

One result of this, at least for an almost-lifelong climber, is that you realise you only have a finite time left to bag some of the obvious challenges that for whatever reason, you haven’t yet done. Before it’s too late and you’re incapacitated mentally, physically or both.

Some of the most obvious ones (plodding up Mont Blanc, say) I’ve never had much interest in. But there are a few that, in the arrogance of youth (or in my case as someone who started climbing at the age of 22, the arrogance of a twenty-something in a state of arrested development), were dismissed as being too easy or too much hassle to warrant the effort. One of these was the Old Man of Hoy, which would certainly present a reasonable challenge to me now. Another, put off 25 years ago when there was something of a vogue for it, was attempting to climb 100 routes in a day.


At first sight this seems a bit arbitrary. Why 100? No reason.


How do you count them as rock climbs anyway? Well, you use the climbing guidebooks, which list each route as an entity on a page, with a grade, a length and a history.


So in practice, how do you go about this? You wouldn’t want to do 100 routes in the Lakes or N Wales, or on the Pembrokeshire sea cliffs – it would take you all day to do 20, let alone 100. Well, you’re soloing so you choose routes on good solid rock that are easy enough that you’re unlikely to fall off, close together, and short….that will be gritstone then. Peak District gritstone, where the crags line the moorland edges, and you don’t have to walk too far to join up 100 routes.

Aargh...walking in rock shoes?  Yes. This is going to hurt.

Is downclimbing allowed? No. That means walking descents...like I said, this is going to hurt.

What about training? Erm, let's not get carried away. I do soloing anyway; 20-odd routes at Reiff one afternoon last year, 10 at Grey Crag, Buttermere – these were great days out. And at the local crags (especially Windgather and Back Forest) 10-20 routes is an easy session. 100 routes is just 5 times more, right?


Car allowed? Yes (maybe not next time, if there is a next time).


What about grades - do you count Easy or Moderate routes? Arbitrary, but lets say 'no' to Easys, 'maybe' to Moderates and 'yes' to Diffs and anything harder.


What about partners? Well you don’t need one, you’re soloing, and it seems best to go at your own pace, so soloing on your own is best. These things are obvious.


Not so obvious: what would be the best crags to go to, which rock shoes to wear, what day to choose, whether to rest up beforehand, which way the wind would blow.


Poor choices on most of these fronts mounted up on my first attempt, foiled by inadequate food and water, a nagging elbow pain and no ibuprofen, red-raw toes on each foot, no plasters, and a lot of trouble trying to park at Burbage on a Saturday. There were too many beginners getting in the way top roping easy climbs. Not all of it was their fault though, unbelievably I found myself arriving at Baslow Edge with the wrong guidebook, and at Burbage North with only one rock shoe in my rucsack. Smarten up.


Staggering on, I notched up about 66 routes at Stanage Edge, Burbage, Baslow, Yarncliff (don’t ask) and on the way home Windgather, knowing I was beaten. But, I did learn that I could do this thing - a pace of 15-20 routes an hour was easily achievable at the right spots, and no need to rush like a madman.

Back to the drawing board, and a first principle: choose a place where the routes are short, easy and close together. OK, let’s start with Birchen Edge. And take the right guidebook.


I arrive at 10.00 on a Friday morning, and the crag is deserted and cool. By 12.15 I’ve bagged almost 50 routes and have no pain in my arm or toes, having drugged up and applied prophylactic plasters to my two ridiculously large third toes.

Some more gritstone the other day, quite near Birchen and Baslow, really

On to Baslow, where I bag another 20 routes by 2.30, then drive to the Spar in Hathersage to top up on sandwiches and chocolate. I peruse the news stand just to give my mind a break: today’s Guardian reviews the new Fall LP, giving it 4 stars, which confirms my suspicion that the wind is now right behind me.


Burbage North much quieter this time, and I reach 100 routes by 5 pm, using the Rockfax Eastern Grit guide which is perfect for this sort of thing, and keep going until the easy routes dry up.

I experience my only truly dodgy moment of the day at the top of Bilberry Crack – the route is only V Diff, but long and with an unexpectedly tricky move at the top. I was cruising around without much hesitation all day, but this move stopped me for a good few minutes - a balancey step-up move at 40 feet with excellent death potential. On a normal day I would have slunk off left, but this move was worth a full 1%.


I nip over to Stanage Apparent North and bag another 8 routes, then drive the 30 minutes homeward to Windgather where I sleepwalk my way up over a dozen familiar solos. By 7.30 my arms are weak, my mind is blown, and it’s nice to chat to some familiar faces at the crag and wind down a bit. I know I’ve done over 125 routes, and I know over 100 of them will be Diffs or harder.


I leave it until next day, Saturday to tot up. Over 130 routes at an average of about 25 feet each = over 3000 feet of climbing, solo. It also means over 3000 feet of descent…in rock shoes…aargh!

No big deal, the record is over 500. What's next then? Maybe 100 routes at Stanage. And maybe the Old Man of Hoy. And take a camera....

Addendum
The list. Well you have to really. It's most easily displayed here (thanks to UKC): http://www.ukclimbing.com/logbook/showlog.html?id=84

A ton of snow in Cwm FFynnon Lloer - Broad Gully an easy snow-plod on Wednesday. Masses of snow on the summit of Pen-yr-Ole-Wen, the Glyders and Snowdon.

Phase 7 of Thailand / SE Asia (or phase 6b, depending on how you count Koh Pha Ngang and Koh Tao) draws to a close and it's our last day before flying home. It occurred to me today that I haven't washed up for 10 weeks; or cooked, cleaned or bought groceries that weren't for immediate consumption. However, I did make a cup of tea a few days ago.

I expect I'll get the hang of it all again by Monday morning...

Koh Tao, Thailand: Bull Man vs Bull Shark

You never really know what to expect when people are expecting sharks. Folk get excited about your usual reef sharks, but they are generally pretty shy and harmless, and much less bulky than a man.

However, at 25m down at a deep-dive pinnacle with about 8m visibility things can feel a bit different. Plus, these specific sharks, bull sharks, fully the size of an American prop forward and five times as fast, have been known to have a bite at a calf muscle or two.

Kind of sobering, even if they didn't seem to be paying much attention to the humans with the silver tubes on their backs.

Koh Pha-Ngan, Gulf of Thailand

After leaving Phuket we spent two nights up the west coast snorkelling and jungle trekking around Phang Nga (giant raffelasia flowers included), and a couple of nights back at Ao Nang (climbed at Railay and did a 3-dive day at Koh Phi Phi - sharks, turtles, all good stuff). Had my last rabies jab and now I'm safe to go scrapping with the monkeys again.

Arrived here last night after a long day spent on buses and boats. This island is on the other side of the main Thai peninsula, and it has a different vibe - less developed than the west coast, no mass tourism, independent-traveller types only. No climbing mind, but plenty of other stuff to do.

Only a short hop here to Koh Tao, our next stop before wending north to Bangkok in time for (gulp) the Plane Home.

It still lives!

The lizard that bit Linda, in its new home at Khao Sok National Park. It's on her trail now it's tasted her blood...

What's that smell of rotting meat? No wait, it's the Giant Raffelasia, the largest flower in the World except, crossword lovers, the Amazon.

There are only two interesting buildings in Medan, so it seems, and the city mosque purports to be one of them...

You can go inside even if you're a raving atheist.

Summit crater, Mt Sibayak, near Beristagi, Sumatra. Linda at the top!

Jungle Tip: terrapins, it turns out, are partial to a bit of egg fried rice, should you ever tire of the stuff yourself.

Hairy Man of the Jungle, Bukit Lawang, Sumatra

Bat Cave, Bukit Lawang, Sumatra

Traditional house, Samosir Island, Lake Toba

Hot springs near Samosir Island, Lake Toba

Impressive grave structures, Samosir Island. Well you need a proper job if you're going to worship your ancestors, eh?

There is rock climbing on Sumatra!

Well there is now. It's on the road about 5 km up north from Tomok, Samosir Island, Lake Toba, Sumatra.

You can't miss it - several large boulders in a meadow on the left side of the road, with a big steepley-looking church-monument-thing right on the opposite side of the road.

This problem is probably a new V0, 5c and I've called it Animist Twist. Unusual for granite, there are good pockets on the steeply overhanging face that is traversed R to L.

And this slab is a few km further up the road...I know it's a boring photo, but hey. This is way hot news on a v. impo first ascent.

The left side of the slab (just R of the marker in the pic) shall be known as Ancestral Vices (V0, 5b).

Other possibilities exist further to the right, but only if you a) have a small collection of traffic cones or b) don't mind being run over by passing minibuses or out-of-control motorbikes driven by tourists without a license.

More hot air, this time from a volcano. At the top of Mt Sibayak, Sumatra.

OK so we have a great time in Sumatra, caldera-exploring, gibbon spotting and volcano climbing, but these activities are the only fun in town unless you like dirty towns and chicken-fried-rice twice a day. Dreaming of Thai food we arrived in Phuket...then what? I get the wildies and am confined to quarters with a pile of immodium and paracetomol for company, tucked up in bed with my Moby-Dick.

Time for the return of the chainsaw-toting Two Line Review, but as these three books have been hard-going, maybe they deserve three lines or more. 'Merely messing with the form', I hear you cry. But these books are so deep I can't touch the bottom and new rules are needed: Two Line Review becomes OK Three-ish But I'm Keeping it Brief. Heavy reading on holiday? When else are you going to do it...:

Moby-Dick by Herman Melville ****
Everything you don't need to know about whaling in the mid-1800s in all its tedious attention to detail, and all you do need to know about mental health in modern life: when the nutter gets on the bus it's time to get off, especially if he's the driver. Oh, wait: you can't actually get off, and now he's losing it completely! No changes there then.

Picture This by Joseph Heller *****
Imagine you're Rembrandt painting Aristotle contemplating the bust of Homer. Now imagine you're Aristotle in the painting being painted by Rembrandt which is finally to be hung in a gallery in New York City, and wondering why things haven't got much better for anyone except the slaves since Socrates was put to death in ancient Athens. The failings of democracy? Wars that cannot be won? Henry Ford decorated by Nazi Germany? It's all here.

Solaris by Stanislav Lem ****
Sci-Fi genre classic, filmed twice: once by Russian master Tarkovsky at the pace of an England test match, and more recently rather charmlessly by a well-meaning but clumsy George Clooney. The planet Solaris can mess with your head, conjuring up a different kind of madness to Captain Ahab's, as three unfortunate space-station crew-members are tortured by apparitions from their past and their duty to each other...not exactly using the force so much as giving in to the Dark Side.

Lake Toba

Your humble scribe and his esteemed travelling companion are now to be found in the small town of Tuk Tuk, on the shores of Samosir Island, Lake Toba, Sumatra, Indonesia, and very nice it is too. We arrived yesterday after a short flight from Penang to Medan, a rough-and-ready bus journey from Medan to Parapat, and a ferry from there to the island whereupon rests this small town called Tuk Tuk. Lake Toba is a huge crater lake - the biggest lake in SE Asia and the biggest caldera world-wide: Samosir Island was formed by a volcano erupting inside a bigger volcanic crater, now flooded, and it's all on quite an impressive scale. However, it's not a World Heritage site because, presumably, no-one has bothered to lobby enough to make it one.

The natives are friendly. Very friendly. But it was not ever thus...

Indonesia is now nominally Muslim, but this official religion was superimposed on a background of animism, Hinduism, Buddhism, and later Christianity brought in by that most pious of seafaring traders, the Dutch. All jumbled up in a melting pot, or cauldron.

There is plenty of evidence of the old tribal ways around here though - the locals had cannibalistic tendencies until a mere 250 years ago, and you can see the tombs and carvings of kings at local villages such as Tamok (where we went today). Also totem poles and stone seats in circles, where they used to hold court and pass judgement before killing their victims, who were mostly warriors from feuding neighbouring tribes, but could also have been serious transgressors of adat (traditional law), such as, I suspect, pesky women who were perceived as doing a bad job of running the home, family, fields and livestock while the men were busy feuding with neighbouring tribes.

All of which leads, in the latest of a series of seamless transitions, to...

What Afterlife

Part 9 (I think): Animism

Well, it's quite simple really, at least around here. Everyone believes in tondi, a sort of spirit or soul forming the essence of a person's individuality. You throw in a bit of cosmology (the creation myth is one of the omnipotent god Ompung creating the creatures of the Earth from the falling branches of a banyan tree), mix in a tad of ancestor worship and spirit worship, and stir in a hot cauldron.

The 'What afterlife' deal? Simple. You worship your ancestors, and you keep your tondi happy with a few sacrifices (lest it leave you and cause you to be temporarily ill, or even die). Then, when you're dead, your tondi lives on. Your descendents worship you a bit and look after their own tondi in turn. If you're a king you get to be buried in a stone tomb, which makes you a bit easier to worship when your tondi has done a bunk.

Not sure what happens to your tondi if you've transgressed the adat and been ritually eaten, but I'm looking into it.

Two units of personnel from Langkawi to Penang...

...honestly, you can't move for UNESCO World Heritage Sites around here. The criteria for this accolade (only one needed from the list below...from Wikipedia) seem to be met by these two places, though sometimes you wonder whether backsheesh may have changed hands. It's open to judgement, and in the case of Johnstown, Penang, was awarded following much lobbying.

Next: Macclesfield and the Peak? You decide......

Cultural criteria:

• I. "to represent a masterpiece of human creative genius";
• II. "to exhibit an important interchange of human values, over a span of time or within a cultural area of the world, on developments in architecture or technology, monumental arts, town-planning or landscape design";
• III. "to bear a unique or at least exceptional testimony to a cultural tradition or to a civilization which is living or which has disappeared";
• IV. "to be an outstanding example of a type of building, architectural or technological ensemble or landscape which illustrates (a) significant stage(s) in human history";
• V. "to be an outstanding example of a traditional human settlement, land-use, or sea-use which is representative of a culture (or cultures), or human interaction with the environment especially when it has become vulnerable under the impact of irreversible change";
• VI. "to be directly or tangibly associated with events or living traditions, with ideas, or with beliefs, with artistic and literary works of outstanding universal significance. (The Committee considers that this criterion should preferably be used in conjunction with other criteria.)

Natural criteria:

• VII. "to contain superlative natural phenomena or areas of exceptional natural beauty and aesthetic importance";
• VIII. "to be outstanding examples representing major stages of Earth's history, including the record of life, significant on-going geological processes in the development of landforms, or significant geomorphic or physiographic features";
• IX. "to be outstanding examples representing significant on-going ecological and biological processes in the evolution and development of terrestrial, fresh water, coastal and marine ecosystems and communities of plants and animals";
• X. "to contain the most important and significant natural habitats for in-site conservation of biological diversity, including those containing threatened species of outstanding universal value from the point of view of science or conservation."

Tonsai, Krabi province, Thailand
Luckily the local apes at Tonsai are benign dusky langurs rather than than them nasty crab-eating macaques.

Now over my first two rabies jabs, but went for a third today so will have to wait and see if I feel lurgy again afterwards. Next one in a week. Added to the rabies jabs, I've got Moby Dick. Linda gave it to me for Chistmas. Don't know which is worse.

Climbing well yesterday, on the excellent Thaiwand Wall at Railay. Best crag hereabouts. Linda bitten by a lizard, luckily small and non-poisonous. One-all. We can laugh about it now.

Deciding where to go next - Penang is odds-on favourite.

Where we spent Christmas, Koh Phi Phi Don.

The main crag, Ton Sai Tower, Koh Phi Phi Don.